I am loving my run streak but I knew the summer holiday was going
to be a challenge because I would have zero help with childcare (my three
child-free mornings a week have become very important to my sanity!). I realise
am lucky; I have a running buggy, and I am even luckier to have a child happy
enough to sit in the buggy while I run. The problem for me is that if I do too
much buggy running I find my situation acutely oppressive. It becomes that I am
not just out for a run, but the buggy becomes a metaphor for my life. Pushing
the buggy on my own makes me feel lonely and like life is really hard which
becomes a big problem for me because that’s not normally the headspace I
occupy.
So… I was all hyped up about my running and was feeling a
little smug to have easily maintained my run streak for the first week! When
meeting friends I’d turn up in running gear and ask if I could dash off for a
quick 5km, or Poppy would go on a playdate and I would go for a longer run.
Since returning from our last holiday Poppy’s bedtime has slipped from 7.30pm
to 9.30pm (which I would usually work to correct) but I’m embracing it as it
means that I can take her to run club with me (without feeling like a terrible
parent because she’s so shattered that I should be at home putting her to bed)!
I fancied doing a longer run today so I messaged a group of
friends a few days ago asking if anyone could have Poppy for an hour and a half
so I could get nine or ten miles in… let me correct that sentence! I THOUGHT I
had messaged a group of friends a few days ago! It did strike me as odd that I
hadn’t heard back from anyone after a day – the message hadn’t sent. So with
almost no notice it wasn’t a huge surprise that I struggled to find somebody to
look after Poppy so I could run. Well, that’s not strictly true. A friend who
has an awful lot on her plate right now offered because she has a really big
heart but I really couldn’t accept and I figured I better suck it up and get
out there and attempt a long buggy run.
I woke up feeling really positive and got us both up and
ready to leave the house by 8.15am! This was an achievement given Poppy’s new
bedtime! We ran down into town and joined the canal. Poppy and I had
compromised on what to do and agreed that if I got a long buggy run then she
could choose going to the cinema afterwards as the thing that she wanted us to
do. By 8.30am we were running along the canal heading out of Leeds. It was a
great time to be running! For a start the sun was shining and rain was forecast
for later so I was pleased I’d got us up and out to enjoy the best of the day.
There were WAY more trains at that time of day than we’ve ever seen there
before so Poppy was very pleased… but the number one reason that it was a great
time to be running was the commuters.
As we ran following the canal, for a full half an hour there
was a stream of people walking, biking or running to work. It was a really
great feeling to be running away from that and I really felt for all of the people
rushing to meet that time pressure of being on somebody else’s time. It was
such a beautiful moment of realisation for me that, while attempting a long run
with the buggy, which would normally make me feel trapped and alone, I felt the
most immense feeling of freedom. I have nobody to answer to, no boss, no
clocking in for work, nowhere to rush to… I am not part of the rat race and for
now that feels pretty bloody wonderful!
We had a brilliant time and while I was running we discussed
all sorts of things (foraging, electricity, concentric circles, how trees grow
and how their roots disturb the tarmac of the path). Poppy’s absolute favourite
thing was eating ALL of the blackberries I picked for her, as well as playing
an imaginary game with our new friend Mr Thistle – Mr Thistle, although
dangerously spikey, was particularly good at knowing where the best
blackberries could be found… oh to be four again!
So, while essentially I had strapped Poppy into the buggy
for almost two hours so that I could do a decent length run, in reality we had
a wonderful morning together and I was left feeling like a pretty awesome
parent. More importantly I felt more at peace than I have done in a long time;
about being a one-parent-family, about not sending Poppy to school in September,
and about not having to work at the moment. Today I am feeling thankful for
where I am in my life right now which has surprised me, because this is a feeling that
I haven’t felt for a very long time. Today’s buggy run was a buggy run that I definitely needed to have…
